Me and David broke up, oh yay, man do I love a guy who will randomly see his ex at a gas station and then as he says "things led to other things" and I dont want to be with her but I know I fucked up, he was like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, boy I cried like a little two year old. I just am not good enough to hold onto a guy I guess. He was like it was not your fault, man I could use some chocolate mint chip ice cream right about now.... His first excuse when he broke up with me was that he couldnt handle the long distance... Well that was a lie, but oh well one day, I will find a guy that means the world to me... ::come to me::

but for now I have given up

I am so happy... things have worked out to where they should be, I am not saying things are perfect but they sure as hell seem so. I mean I guess it is time to change it up a bit, and that it what I am doing, that is why I am now with David and I think he is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I am not sure how to explain it, I decided that I was looking for something better, and along came David. I feel as if I have known him my entire life, we can talk about anything, and he knows everything, I have told him my deepest secret... I have never told any of the other guys that have dated me... not one of them knows... but he understands and I just dont know what I would do if he didnt understand me. If there was any way to desribe what we have it would be this...

" I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as a certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen rfom the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this:

where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

Pablos Nerudas 17th sonnet

I will tell more later but all is looking brighter from here on out, lets just hope the new car smell doesnt wear off... til then

I am having the best time! I hope that everyone out there is doing better, I haven't written in a while, but I had to get some stuff straightened out and live my life a little instead of sitting down everynight writting down all of my troubles and happy crap. I guess I figured that I can only live once might as well make the best of it. I have a boyfriend now and am very happy. His name is Keke and he is asian, he plays soccer, and he is really sweet to me. I kind of figure if we are happy it will make my life less stressful. I have been out of my ap history class this whole semester. It has made my life a whole lot easier, I have been happy so much after I was sad for so long that I guessed that I deserved it. Last semester was hell for me, I wanted to die everytime I walked in that classroom. I kept my ap english course which is hard, but I really love english so I have fun with a more difficult curriculum. I guess things change, you just have to wait for the good sometimes, I wasn't even expecting for a relationship. I started soccer this year and was half expecting to be miserable other than the fact that I start. So I see this guy walk out and I am like wow I want him to be our coach, he's hot. Low and behold he is our coach! Then I find out that he is the guy that my friend Lindsey had told me about awhile ago, she had dated him and they had done the deed and he had dumped her for another girl. When I found out that it was Keke, one of our coaches, I was bound and determined to find him repulsive and unattractive.I was so mean to him that it hurt, at least me how mean I was to him. I found it crazy when he asked me for my screen name, I was like should I? I mean he is cute I could flirt with him and no one would know, just me and him. Yeah well that night we stayed on the phone for 6hrs. straight I didn't go to bed that night and had a huge chemistry exam the next day. From then on out we talked everyday. After one soccer game we went out for some subway and a girl rode wih him and we didn't think anything about it. Well she called Lindsey when she got home and told him, I didn't really mind that much but I had kind of wanted to tell her myself. You know? So... I went to prom and he came over before to see me off, he graduated last year so I was going with someone else. I get to prom and I am having a blast and then all the shit hits the fan, so many soccer chics walk up and want to know what is going on between me and Keke, so I tell them I don't know, because honestly I didn't know at the time. All I knew is I wanted him for my own. So I basically blew them off and all the drama ruined my prom. But he came and picked me up after prom and all my friends and us went to ihop, and had a blast. Then we went to the park and "swang on the swangs." Well I am getting tired so I will finish the life of late later.