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| friday night fun |
| 06.30.05 (7:12 am) [edit] |
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Well lets see, hmmm, he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend that all I heard about was bad bad things. Now they are getting back together and I hope everything goes well, even though he wasnt very considerate of me. But I am in a new phase of my life where I am trying to understand others and their feelings... It is hard for me not to be bitter, but I sure do try... Anyways on to the good news, so I was talking to this guy and I had been talking to him before I met David, he gave me his number so I gave him a ring, he goes to church with me, so I dont think he can be that bad... He asked me if I would like to go to the movies on friday... So I am trying not to be bitter still and see how things go, you never know, it might go really well... anyways later gater
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| Yet another let down |
| 06.29.05 (2:15 pm) [edit] |
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Me and David broke up, oh yay, man do I love a guy who will randomly see his ex at a gas station and then as he says "things led to other things" and I dont want to be with her but I know I fucked up, he was like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, boy I cried like a little two year old. I just am not good enough to hold onto a guy I guess. He was like it was not your fault, man I could use some chocolate mint chip ice cream right about now.... His first excuse when he broke up with me was that he couldnt handle the long distance... Well that was a lie, but oh well one day, I will find a guy that means the world to me... ::come to me::
but for now I have given up
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| New car smell |
| 06.16.05 (7:19 pm) [edit] |
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I am so happy... things have worked out to where they should be, I am not saying things are perfect but they sure as hell seem so. I mean I guess it is time to change it up a bit, and that it what I am doing, that is why I am now with David and I think he is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I am not sure how to explain it, I decided that I was looking for something better, and along came David. I feel as if I have known him my entire life, we can talk about anything, and he knows everything, I have told him my deepest secret... I have never told any of the other guys that have dated me... not one of them knows... but he understands and I just dont know what I would do if he didnt understand me. If there was any way to desribe what we have it would be this...
" I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as a certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen rfom the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
Pablos Nerudas 17th sonnet
I will tell more later but all is looking brighter from here on out, lets just hope the new car smell doesnt wear off... til then
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| Fuck baybears!!! |
| 06.10.05 (7:14 pm) [edit] |
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Well this day has started a SHIT weekend for me, I have now quite my job at bearbears as an amusements worker, "FUCK YOU BAYBEARS!" Or should I say I turned in my two weeks notice, I like to go out in style... Anyways I was supposed to go on a double date tonight, but it fell through oh well, the love life is starting to suck really badly, time to find me a boy to play with for awhile, I still like the Rod man but he isnt quite in the mood for relationship right now, he says he likes me but everything he does shows the contrary, I dont know what to do... CONFUSION!!!!!!! Boys boys boys why must you be so confusing, lol I finally got my spring break pic onto my computer, it is really cute I was quite happy to finally have it on hand... thanx bricheese! Well I will probably blog later when everything has settled in my mind... btw I got a job at Lonstar Steakhouse, as a hostess... yeah hopefully I can smile that much, I will try my darndest, so come on over to Lonestar and let me seat you... til then ::muah::
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| long time no blog |
| 06.06.05 (7:55 pm) [edit] |
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Well lets see, new blog for a new life, man I hope it works! I have been trying really hard lately to change, for the better that is...I havent done anything bad in soo long, it kind of scares me how much my friends have helped me through everything... I thank them for it yet i neevr tell them, I guess sometimes I should tell them how much they have helped. Never have been much of one to really show people I care that much... But anyways now that I have said that they will read this and know how exactly I feel about them. Lately I have been cleaning alot lately, the family messes up I clean up, I mainly stay in my room, so as to not get in trouble, yet it still happens much to my dismay. I have taken most of everything out of my room to minimize my life, too much clutter leads to confusion. I now only have a bed on the floor, two night stands one with a computer monitor on it and the computer on the floor, the other holding my cd player, and my two dressers, one of which holds my t.v., then there is nothing else. I want to be so caught up in life that I dont miss anything that I have gotten rid of. Times of change are here and hopefully I can embrace it. Boys have come and gone in the time I havent blogged, one stayed for a while but then things went sour and I could handle it no longer, went back to an old boyfriend and still not sure what is going on between the two of us... I am not sure and I am also not sure if I care... sounds horrible but one of the ways that I have changed is that I will not wait on any guy... it isnt worth my time. I met the kind of perfect guy but it is not going to work, five years of difference and him living far away, I mean we are going to hang out but I dont think it will ever lead to more than friends, both parties are interested but the circumstances are not the best that could have been dealt. Yet hopefully on friday we will get to spend some time together, maybe we will work but I am only living in the here and now, not hoping for anything, let downs are the worst feeling so I will live it one day at a time and see how it goes from there... Well it is time to go chat with some people online and for starting new on here I think I have spilled enough so far... so til then... ::muah::
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| Karoru rocs |
| 06.06.05 (5:52 pm) [edit] |
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thanx to the lovely carol anne i now have a nwe lay out that is kickin awesome, well havent blogged in so long, alot of stuff has been happening, but mainly happy that this school year is finally over! Time for work and alot of play... well i will blog later when my mind comes back to me... by the way carol anne rocs my sock off... mucho love to you!
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